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Today’s Single in the City is from guest contributor, Steven Hatchett who is also a single young professional in Chicago trying to find his way.
I’m a little frustrated (like always) and slightly disappointed in my recent dating adventures in Chicago.
The more the frustration grows, the more I am beginning to lean towards the idea of entertaining a dating-age-requirement. I’m not talking about the obvious limit for anyone in their 20’s or 30’s but one that takes into account a few parameters like “the young professional experience progression quotient”(YPEP) which to me means the rate in which young people learn that having a life is more than just being about “all things professional”. If you’ve ever dated someone who has no time for you because they are too busy starting and/or building their career (which might call on them to leave out of town on a moments notice), studying their life away (nothing wrong with that), or just very plainly don’t know what their next move in life is or will be (I call this the standing still pose), you can relate to this.
All or at least one of these moments are bound to happen within the life span of a single young professional. The problem is that these are all phases that I have already gone through in my life mostly during my 20’s. I’m not going to debate the idea that I have surpassed those moments all together but over time I have gained a deeper understanding of the key role a relationship can play in me finding myself through this maze called Chicago.
With that being said, wouldn’t it make sense to start excluding individuals from dating contention based on age and not experience alone? As a guy I think we are taught to believe that women are more experienced despite their age; that they want relationships (sometimes more than we do) and are always encouraged/expected to want to settle down but is that reality? Data and current news report suggest that our group of the American population are getting married older/less frequently and having children at a much older , which from an observative point of view is somewhat true. Does that mean that young professionals are taking the time between,starting our careers and families, less seriously leaving us more time to focus on our professional selves? Should the YPEP equation be based solely on age solely or on experience?
I’m starting to think it’s more important to view life experiences in general (YPEP) when deciding on who should occupy our time besides just their age alone. When I’m on a date my gut instincts tells me a lot about what I’m looking for based on past conversations/dates/experiences. What does that mean? Our own experience can help us determine what lukewarm-“I kinda like you but I don’t know”- feels like, if you can’t keep dating. At a certain glance we can tell whether we are made a priority-“I really want to spend time with you”-or a side kick and the possible longevity of a relationship if built around someone who still thinks making money and their career alone is more important “Yeah, I’m busy how about 2 weeks from Sunday.” On second look, I know a lot of amazing women younger than me that are looking despite still figuring things out for themselves. Experience does mean a lot but age should not be the optimum measurement to finding out if the person sitting across/beside us meets our current standards (if you don’t have any get you some) of what we view our partner should resemble.
For me it’s back to the drawing board at this point but I must say I’m enjoying it so far, no matter how frustrated I become. A woman recently gave me the pleasure of falling in love, which was the first time ever for me, with her (I’m sorry-dudes are really stupid sometimes) and I’ve been trying to see if this relationship/love thing is worth all this effort to find it(love) again. I hope that you can find what you’re looking for first and if you know what it is, the importance of holding on to it when you do.
Based on your current single/dating status, have you entertained the idea of an age requirement?
